I was giving a talk about emotions to a large group one night. During the question-and-answer segment, a man stood up and said, "I am a commercial pilot. All of my training and experience tells me to make instant judgment calls, with very little margin of error. Yet you're telling me that I should be in touch with my feelings. So do you want to be in the plane, in an emergency, when I'm doing that?"
Amidst the laughter of the audience, I said, "I certainly don't! I want you to be a thinking, judging, instantly-reacting machine then. But at the same time, I would hope that there are other periods of life in which you are experiencing, and benefiting from, your emotions.
Leaders often have similar questions as that pilot. You are under tremendous pressure to achieve outcomes. You need to make quick and accurate decisions. You have to focus, and think clearly. And emotions can cloud your judgment and get in the way of a clear head. Do feelings have any place in leadership? Or should you reserve them for when you get home after work, and need to connect with family and friends?
I believe that emotions (I'll use the word "feelings" as synonymous, though there are technical differences) have an important role within the function of leadership. When you understand how to use them, feelings can be a helpful tool for you to produce the results and fruit you are interested in. So in this series of articles, we will describe feelings in general, and then give some pointers to how leaders can utilize them.
The nature of emotions. Emotions, are, simply put, subjective experiences, as opposed to objective experiences. While our thoughts are more cognitive and objective in nature (facts, analysis, observations and opinions), feelings generally have a pleasant or unpleasant aspect to them. So pleasant emotions would be things like happiness, joy, pleasure and passion. Examples of unpleasant emotions would be anxiety, anger, sadness and guilt. It is important to know that feelings aren't some random chemical experience, with no rhyme or reason. Rather, they have a particular purpose for us: emotions serve as signals for us. That is, they alert us to events or circumstances that we need to pay attention to. Much like the indicator light on the dashboard of your car, telling you that you need gas, or that your engine is overheating, feelings are there to tell us something. Let's break down what the feelings tend to tell us in particular.
Anxiety. Anxiety, fear and even dread all point to the same basic message: there is some danger ahead. It may be an external reality, for example, a market downswing in your industry, or a negative earnings report. Or it can be something within yourself, such as a concern that you won't do a good job leading your first small group, or confronting an employee with a problem. Almost by definition, leadership is an anxiety-ridden position! This is because it is so easy for leaders to take on, and take responsibility for, burdens and cares that are too much for one person to bear. Leaders want to do well, and they want to please their own bosses, as well as those they are leading. They want to produce good results, and people are looking to them for results. In fact, the leader who is never, never, never anxious may have a problem. He may not be taking his job or position at the level of gravity and seriousness he needs to. The great biblical leader Abram was reassured by God in his own anxieties after a particular crisis he went through: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward (Gen. 15:1).'"
How can you use anxiety, an unpleasant emotion, to help you in your leadership? Basically, by following it to its source. Remember that since it is a signal, don't get confused on managing it, or dealing directly with it, unless it is so strong that it gets in the way of life, and you may need to seek a counselor to resolve it. If you focus only on the emotion itself, you are, in effect, paying attention to the dashboard and ignoring what it's saying about the engine. But, in its normal levels of strength, you will need to figure out what your anxiety is telling you, and then take the appropriate action. That action is what tends to resolve the anxiety, as its purpose has been fulfilled, and it is not needed until another situation comes along.
When the danger is some personnel problem, for example, anxiety may tell you to prepare well for the meeting with the person. Plan what you want to achieve, and be prepared for several outcomes. You may even want to role play your conversation with someone you trust, so that you can pinpoint where you feel the most insecure or unready. So in these situations, use anxiety to be ready and not caught unawares. It's a lot like Jesus' teaching on how we are to follow Him: "I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built (Luke 6:47-48)." You will be amazed at how the anxiety will decrease. It's no longer needed, for you are ready.
Or let's take the times that for some weird reason, you are anxious when you are with some particular person. It doesn't make any sense; they are a decent, normal individual. But you feel anxiety around them. You will want to find out what pressure you feel from being around that person, and deal with it. For example, I knew a guy in business whom I ran into 4-5 times a year at a meeting or luncheon. I had this strange sense of dread whenever I was around him, and it bothered me, because I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then, after an encounter, I spent a couple of minutes thinking about it, and I got it: he had a nervous smile after every sentence he spoke, and it seemed he wanted me to smile with him and respond in kind. I felt pressure from that smile, and, as I reflected, a little untrusting, as if he was trying to sell me something. That really helped me. The next time I was with him, and saw the unending smile, I was able to focus on what he was actually saying. And my anxiety helped me, because in truth, he was at times being manipulative. So I was able to better filter out the good from the bad in his business message.
Then there are those times we are anxious before some huge, inevitable, unavoidable event: a business closes. A church splits. A group disbands. Someone you trusted turns against you. How can your anxiety help you? By leading you to trust and prayer: the best answer for any person of faith, when the situation is too big for us to handle. It's not too big for God's shoulders: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (I Pet. 5:7)." Perhaps that is the best message for any leader who feels the 24/7 pressure, and needs to redistribute the weight a bit!
I hope this is making sense for you. The big idea is not to get caught up in the anxiety itself, which is really not the point. Instead, ask yourself, what is the anxiety about? What is its source? What is it pointing to? That is where the payoff is.
We'll continue this line of thinking in my next article, particularly in how leaders can effectively use their own anger and even sadness. These emotions can be good servants for your work! Until then, God bless you.
