I was doing a consulting project one time when I was asked to help a leader with a key employee who was not performing exactly as was expected, and who was resisting the leaderís directives and requirements. When the leader had tried to get him to do what he wanted, which required meeting some specific performance quotas, he bristled. He thought that to require him to keep numbers and file reports was too ìlegalistic,î as he called it. The structure being imposed actually had nothing to do with specific results, i.e. like sales quotas do. It required him instead to record how many new customer contacts he had initiated in a given period of time, regardless how they went. The manager was interested in tracking the results of their methods, so he needed to see exactly how many times they were being implemented to interpret their success. So, the reports were important to him.

ìWhat do you mean, ëlegalisticíî I asked the resistant employee.

ìWell, he just wants us to conform to a bunch of rules, and I donít work that way. I am more spontaneous, and creative, and relational in the way that I build business. I donít do well with so many rules. The rules feel really legalistic to me in that way. There is not a lot of freedom. I need more what I would call ëgrace-orientedí leadership,íî he said.

ìExcuse me?î I asked. ìGrace oriented? Is he telling you that you will go to hell if you donít reach your numbers?î

ìNo, of course not,î he said. ìWhy do you ask that?î

ìBecause that is what legalism means,î I said. ìThat if you keep the rules of the law, you will go to heaven and if you donít, you will go to hell. So, this is not ëlegalistic.í But if he told you that if you didnít turn in your reports or meet the requirements that you might get fired, not go to hell, then that might even be an act of grace, not legalism! What you are calling legalism is just a performance requirement, and a need for structure. There is nothing ënon-gracefulí in requiring performance or structure. I suggest that we sit down and figure out what is going on here between the two of you, but I donít think we can call it ëlegalism.íî

I will never forget that interaction, because it stuck out as such a misunderstanding about what ìgraceî in leadership is. So many leaders, managers, and employees talk about being ìgrace oriented,î in leadership in ways that often have nothing to do with what grace or good leadership actually is. They think that it is somehow a huge amount of freedom from evaluation, structure or performance demands. It is like grace is permission to not perform and have that be ok. There is nothing farther from the truth. Good leadership requires both the right amount of structure, and requirements for performance as well. So what is ëgrace?î

Grace is quite simply, ìunmerited favor.î What that means is that you, as the leader, are ìforî the people you lead, and not against them. You are ìon their side.î You want them to win. You are for their ìgood.î You are pulling for them to make it. And, that is not something that they earn. It is a stance that you unconditionally take of being for their betterment and for their success. It is unmerited.

But, it is also more than that. As I said above, it is not the absence of performance demands, or rules, or policies, or job descriptions. God himself has all of those things for us. While his love is unconditional, his approval is very conditional. ìGood and faithful servantî and rewards only come as a result of our meeting the performance requirements. Even though he is for us unconditionally, he still has his requirements. So, where is the grace if he does not do away with the standard?? Seems confusing.

The answer is the same answer that will help you make sure your organization or team meets its mission: Grace does not mean that he has no standard. Grace means that he empowers and enables us to meet the standard. He unconditionally gives us what we need to get there. Unmerited means that he gives us what we do not possess in order to meet the requirements that we are having trouble meeting. He resources us to get better than we are.

So, as a leader, you have to ask yourself two questions. First, do you have good standards of performance that are asking your people to get better than they are, and continually do better than they are doing? That is not legalism, just good old-fashioned standards. Now, here is the rub. If you give them the goal, and the standard, but do nothing to equip them to meet the goal or the standard, then you have left out grace. You are requiring them to do it on their own, without the favor from you that they cannot produce, unmerited favor. Grace says that you will give them what they need to meet the demand that you have put on them. Do not move the requirement, but do not leave them on their own to get there.

Grace asks, ìwhat do I, the leader, need to provide that they cannot provide for themselves that will enable them to reach the goal that I have put before them?î That is grace, not the absence of standards, but the unmerited help to meet the standard. Grace provides them what they cannot provide for themselves and without which they will not meet the goal. They may need:

More or special training
Added structure or feedback
A Clear Vision
Coaching
Seminars, schooling or new knowledge they do not possess
Staff
Technology
Equipment
Vision
Support
Encouragement
Autonomy
Guidance along the way
Oversight
 

These and other things provide to your people what they cannot provide for themselves to do what you have required them to do. That is grace. It is the same way that God requires us to mature and produce fruit, but gives us the things that we need to become the people who can do what he requires. He grows us and develops us to be able to do what he requires from us.

That is what leadership does. It makes sure that the people have what they need to get the job done. And it often means to help them become the people that they need to be in order to get it done. Keep your requirements, but provide the unmerited ìfavorsî that they need in order to accomplish those requirements. That is leading with true grace, as opposed to being a pushover without any standards. High standards, and the empowerment and development from leadership to meet those standards, is an unbeatable combination.

 

Safe People DVD/Video Kit
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Perfect for your next small group!
Available August 15!

In Safe People, Drs. Cloud and Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as the people we should learn to avoid.

Here is an excerpt to whet your appetite:

 

The best example of a safe person is found in Jesus. In him were found the three qualities of a safe person: dwelling, grace, and truth... The second [of these qualities] is grace. Grace is ìunmerited favor.î It means that someone is on our side, that they are ìfor us.î Grace implies unconditional love and acceptance with no condemnation (Rom. 8:1; Eph. 4:32). Relationships in which people do not accept us without shame and condemnation are ultimately hurtful and do not produce growth. They require us to be different than we are in order to be accepted, and we are unable to use love that we must earn.

Grace does the opposite. It says that you are accepted just like you are and that you will not be shamed or incur wrath for whatever you are experiencing.

The third quality that Jesus embodied for us was truth. Truth implies many things, but in relationships it implies honesty, being real with one another, and living out the truth of God. Many people think that safe relationships are relationships that just give grace without confrontation, but as we will see later, these relationships are ultimately destructive as well.

We need people in our life who will be honest with us, telling us where we are wrong and where we need to change.  (Safe People, p.145-146)

 

In the rest of the book, Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend elaborate further on the different aspects of a safe person, including the ability to give grace and truth.

 

Save $25 --
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